Published July 24, 2014 by

The Downers, Turn A Cheek, Forget It

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I have a mental list of people with whom I have had significant relationship challenges.  I am mindful of keeping this list very short even if it means constructively moving some people out of my life.  I try to learn from poor relationships to see what I could have done differently. I appreciate those who have passed through my life causing great challenges for me.  Some are positive and some are not.

Most of my toxic people taught me patience and how to turn a cheek, but some just caused pain. The pain typically comes from words meant to judge negatively.  Toxic people aren’t challenging for everyone, it’s just situational.  I am sure my toxins are all loved by someone, perhaps their mothers?   Nonetheless, I consciously rid myself of my toxins and foster new relationships with happy positive people.

Most of those who challenge us have inflated senses of their own importance usually fueled by their own insecurities. Most feel the need to insult and embarrass others primarily to make themselves feel better. Many avoid looking you in the eye when speaking to you.   The latter is a sure sign of trouble. Doesn’t it all sound just like the schoolyard when you were a kid? It isn’t that much different.

I believe you should respect everyone in your life and dig deep to respect people who may be different than you.  It is better and healthier to focus on the good things people achieve.  The positives of my life and career certainly have far outweighed any downers.

You know, it is summer in the Northern Hemisphere and time to cleanse and renew.  You should rid yourself of those toxins and encourage those you lead to do the same.

Son of a Postman

Best Practices Conflict

Published May 23, 2014 by

Anger Management, The Enemy Is You, Learn How To React

I have spent much of my life actively dealing with anger issues. It gets activated when I don’t like how I am being treated or if I feel the need to defend others.
The good news is that I recognize my reactions and I am working to pause
consciously and breathe before flipping out.   I have worked so much on “self-regulation” and I know it is working.  My relationships with others is so much better now.

I just finished reading a book titled “Love Your Enemies” written by Sharon Salzberg and Robert Thurman.  I hope you are not surprised to hear that the only real enemy you have is yourself.  Others that you believe are your enemies are only that way because you let them have that affect on you.   Simple!  

“There is a story about the Buddha that points to such wisdom.  One day the Buddha was walking across a plot of land when a man came up and angrily started shaking his fist in the Buddha’s face, saying he has no right to be walking there.  The Buddha looked at the man a said, “Tell me, if you prepared a lovely gift for someone, and you reached out to give it to them but they refused to accept it, to who, would the gift belong?”  “To me, of course,” the man replied.  “Just so,” the Buddha said.  “I’m not accepting your gift of your anger.  Therefore, it remains with you.”  (from “Love Your Enemies”)

If you expect to parent, teach, coach, or manage others and get the most out of them, using anger as a motivational tool will not be effective. It has always amazed me that so many people don’t get this at all!

Anger-based
responses never work, are counterproductive and alienate people.
Reactions based on anger also degrade a manager’s or leader’s
effectiveness and credibility. 
Plus, you just feel real bad after you do it.

Son of a Postman

Best Practices Conflict